Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
