did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
