I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
