ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
