Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
