Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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