Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
