i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
