you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
