I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
