i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
