remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
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