u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
