I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
