i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
