Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
