I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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