Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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