He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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