I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
