Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
