Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
