now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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