Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
