so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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