I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
