"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
