I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
