you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
