the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
