I'm going to jail i love you
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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