is your mom at the bar?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
