Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
