i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
