it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
