I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
