im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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