you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
