True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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