Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
