So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
