she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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