I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
