He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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