somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
