I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
