my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
