On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We have started to decorate penises.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
