If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
