He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
