i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
